The Romance of Chastisement

The Romance of Chastisement

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

That "Fifty Shades" Book

  I just read it. Has anyone else here done so? In case you just arrived from Mars, "50 Shades of Grey" is all the rage now. It is supposedly a book that puts BDSM into the mainstream. Hollywood has optioned it. Jennifer Love Hewitt will play Anastasia (don't bet the ranch that you'll see anything, though).
The plot is simple. A young innocent girl, Ana, is sent to interview Christian Grey, a bazillionaire. She falls for him and he gets the hots for her. So far so good. But there's a catch. He wants her to sign this dom/sub discipline contract that allows him to control her life. He has to be in control. What's a girl to do? He's hot. He's rich. He'll give her stuff like cars and iPads. He has his own jet, helicopter, etc. All she has to do is agree that he's in control and give him permission to "punish" her if she disobeys. Ah, but that's the rub. She wants "truuue luuuvvv" not paddle whacks. A complex courtship ensues.

Is it any good? Is it hot? No and no. He probably looks like, oh, a young Richard Gere a la "Pretty Woman"" or "Breathless", but comes across as a petulant child. It's the rich-guy-sweeps-the-poor-girl-off-her-feet deal. Problem is, she comes across like Gidget. She's, get this--a twenty-one year old virgin who never even diddled herself! It's her 1st person present tense POV endlessly debating with herself as to whether he's hot enough to let him spank her. You can almost see the cartoon angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other arguing with each other.

It's implausible, preposterous, pretentious, and most of all, terminally silly. It also puts TTWD in a bad light because Grey is made to seem like damaged goods because he won't be "normal" and because he wants to "hurt her" by insisting on his right to punish her as his "sub". You want to scream "just sign the damn contract and take your licking. It's only a spanking and he'll screw your brains out afterwards and take you Paris in his private jet." Any girl on this board would say, "Honey, hand me the damn pen."